Soooo, 2013 in review? I really hit rock-bottom spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Onward to 2014.
Spending all day every day together couldn't be good for any of us, especially the kiddos. I was no example of living by the Spirit, the only fruit in my life was bitterness, impatience and discontent. So after MANY tears/prayer we put the kids in public school this semester. The verse in Luke about leaving everything and "hating" your family in order to follow Jesus really spoke to me. I want to truly follow Christ -- you know -- the One whose "Yoke is easy and burden, light!" I have to find LIFE and LIFE to the full in order to share it with those around me. Only then will I be able to bless my family and others! I felt like God was speaking to my heart, "Trust Me with your kids and come follow Me". I decided my word for the year would be JESUS and I would let NOTHING get between us.
Just a week after school started I went on a women's retreat. That first night I knelt with some other ladies praying for a return to the joy of His salvation. I felt like I was crying out from the pit, so great was the depth of my despair. Then quite suddenly, right there in the midst of my sorrow, it came! I was filled with God's love -- I can't remember ever being rescued so rapidly! Bursting full of love -- and straight from the pit of Hell! I was skipping through the retreat center.
Upon coming home .... my circumstances were still there and I have had to work to take every negative thought captive. I decided I wanted to focus on JESUS and less on my so-called rights. I started reading the Gospels, and also a book called "Speaking of Jesus". This book really spoke to me. It spoke to me about how simple the gospel is and how we as Evangelical Christians (and the like) have added to it, just like the Pharisees added to the Law. And how much I have BLOWN it trying to share Jesus by trying to share a doctrinal plan of salvation when HE IS THE PLAN.
Months ago I was talking with a new friend and had mentioned my favorite part of the Narnia Series in 'The Last Battle". And he dared me to read "Love Wins" by Rob Bell. I think I chickened out at the time, because in the dare he might have mentioned heresy or something. Regardless I decided to triple dog dare myself and now there would be no turning back.
This book knocked my socks off. I feel like the scales fell away from my eyes. GOD is greater and more glorious than I ever imagined. It turns out HE is just Who I always wanted Him to be, and who He said He was. GOD IS LOVE. You may be saying, "Duh." But some of what I had been taught left me with contrary feeling in my gut and an enormous burden on my shoulders. Reading this book I was BLIND-SIDED by God's Love. After I finished the chapter on hell, I bawled my eyes out --WITH JOY!. I had been in a personal hell the last several months (years?!), and He had died to rescue me from it. After finishing this book I feel like I just got the Good News! And I did. I really did. Before I read this book, I honestly felt somewhere deep down like the Good News was really bad news masquerading as good news. But it's not! It's the BEST NEWS EVER. I know that in evangelical circles this book is highly taboo, but I was BLIND and now I SEE the goodness of God. Some reviews on Amazon chide this book saying Rob Bell is obviously a Universalist. I read it twice and I did not get that at all. The other complaints are that it somehow diminishes the power of the cross. Really? For me the cross just got a whole lot more powerful. And my savior more lovely than I ever imagined. I don't agree with every sentence in this book, but I have been telling Jesus for years that I want to be head over heels crazy about Him. And now, I AM.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
One Word 2014
This is the last year I am picking a word. I am just going to keep this one from now on. Ok? If you notice I seemed to have forgot my word, shake me. Or better yet mercifully whisper it in my ear. JESUS.
Friday, January 6, 2012
One word 2012
I've got my word: Listen. I am going to hush now and try it out:).
oh wait.... I have an update:
It is going to be a combo. Attend (the habit of attention... which includes listening and not burning dinner) and I believe God gave me a new one.... Praise!
oh wait.... I have an update:
It is going to be a combo. Attend (the habit of attention... which includes listening and not burning dinner) and I believe God gave me a new one.... Praise!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011 Year in Review
Last year I chose a word for the year. That word was LESS. This year saw less of a lot of things and more of some other. I am not sure I did the best job with the "less" focus, however; wrapping up the year I find that there is about 15 pounds less of me. So that is something to be thankful for! I fit in my skinny jeans again! Keep in mind my skinny jeans are size 10, so it's all relative.
2011 was a whopper of a year for the Wile family full of both challenge and adventure! We started the year with a peaceful January and then February went off with a bang-- Remi had an appendectomy followed ten days later by invasive surgery to correct a complete bowel obstruction! It was excruciatingly painful, but God's peace was with us and Remi was truly a trooper. Andy's Mama Ruby and Great Grama Faye had some copycat abdominal surgeries shortly thereafter. Not to be outdone, Andy's brother, Uncle Bug broke several vertebrate, his sternum and all kinds of crazy ribs while leaving his spinal cord intact! We are so thankful for his amazing recovery. Not to be left out, his bride, Bernie took a dive off a porcelain throne that resulted in stitches and a cool lighting bolt scar on her forehead. All this without mind altering drugs! I am happy to report a favorable survival rate of 100%. All jesting aside we are so thankful that all these precious people are still here with us.
This spring we moved out of our beautiful 2400 sqft house on 2 acres and into an itty bitty 1100 sqft trailer on 40 acres! We've gotten a little fowl crazy. We started off with 10 chicks and a pair of goslings…. and have since added 11 keets and 3 more hens….. for a grand total of 10 hens, 1 rooster, 6 guinea fowl and a goose! Needless to say the numbers don't add up and we have learned a thing or two about death, especially by bobcat. Our latest acquisition is a pair of Great Pyrenese/GSD mix puppies, who we hope will grow up to scare away bobcats. =) We also have a pair of indoor kitties AND a pair of outdoor kitties… and a few goats. Needless to say, Doug and Rosie are not very pleased. We, however, are ecstatic. The hens have begun laying and we just got to give away our first dozen eggs! It's been our prayer that we would be able to bless others with the fruit of this land, and God willing, we hope to continue on that path.
This year I have had some crazy health issues of my own. I was hobbling around early this Summer like a little old lady in the day time and at night I was waking up confused and terrified. It was quickly worsening and quite alarming. I had lots of medical tests which showed I was in perfect health, aside from mild sleep apnea and heart burn. I started researching and I read a lot about Candida online, I read some books ("Real Food" and "The Fungus Link") and saw a movie called, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". I quit a long term relationship with Flonase and made some drastic changes to my diet. The hobbling and pain in my feet and limbs is completely gone and I am sleeping much more peacefully. I am so grateful for this journey toward good health!
This fall we also began classically educating our kids (Remi is 9, Rhett is 6 and Rhyson just turned 5)at home. We joined a Classical Conversations community where we receive tutoring and do science projects and presentations once a week. The rest of the week, Mom is the teacher. We all love it! It is a huge challenge and also a big adventure. This year I read "A Thomas Jefferson Education" and was so inspired! I am receiving a classical education along side my kids. I love it! And, yes, sometimes I am pulling my hair out too! Our CC group is a huge blessing! We commute 25 minutes to our group and to our surprise we met 3 other families from our small town. And just when I was starting to feel all alone in the middle of nowhere. =) Now just 6 months after moving here, I am blessed with a group of new friends. We meet weekly for breakfast and it is such an encouragement!
Andy is still working for the postal service. He is in Labor Relations these days and he seems to enjoy representing the management side in labor disputes… I keep teasing that he may need to go back to school for a law degree since he is already so good at 'lawyering'. Even though we moved farther away from town, Andy's commute is only about 5 minutes longer. He is loving living out here a
and becoming a real lumber jack!
We are so thankful for God's faithfulness and provision this year. May we glorify Him in 2012! I have been keeping my eyes and ears open for a word for next year.... maybe that is just it. Word!
Wishing you a blessed 2012 that surpasses your wildest dreams!
2011 was a whopper of a year for the Wile family full of both challenge and adventure! We started the year with a peaceful January and then February went off with a bang-- Remi had an appendectomy followed ten days later by invasive surgery to correct a complete bowel obstruction! It was excruciatingly painful, but God's peace was with us and Remi was truly a trooper. Andy's Mama Ruby and Great Grama Faye had some copycat abdominal surgeries shortly thereafter. Not to be outdone, Andy's brother, Uncle Bug broke several vertebrate, his sternum and all kinds of crazy ribs while leaving his spinal cord intact! We are so thankful for his amazing recovery. Not to be left out, his bride, Bernie took a dive off a porcelain throne that resulted in stitches and a cool lighting bolt scar on her forehead. All this without mind altering drugs! I am happy to report a favorable survival rate of 100%. All jesting aside we are so thankful that all these precious people are still here with us.
This spring we moved out of our beautiful 2400 sqft house on 2 acres and into an itty bitty 1100 sqft trailer on 40 acres! We've gotten a little fowl crazy. We started off with 10 chicks and a pair of goslings…. and have since added 11 keets and 3 more hens….. for a grand total of 10 hens, 1 rooster, 6 guinea fowl and a goose! Needless to say the numbers don't add up and we have learned a thing or two about death, especially by bobcat. Our latest acquisition is a pair of Great Pyrenese/GSD mix puppies, who we hope will grow up to scare away bobcats. =) We also have a pair of indoor kitties AND a pair of outdoor kitties… and a few goats. Needless to say, Doug and Rosie are not very pleased. We, however, are ecstatic. The hens have begun laying and we just got to give away our first dozen eggs! It's been our prayer that we would be able to bless others with the fruit of this land, and God willing, we hope to continue on that path.
This year I have had some crazy health issues of my own. I was hobbling around early this Summer like a little old lady in the day time and at night I was waking up confused and terrified. It was quickly worsening and quite alarming. I had lots of medical tests which showed I was in perfect health, aside from mild sleep apnea and heart burn. I started researching and I read a lot about Candida online, I read some books ("Real Food" and "The Fungus Link") and saw a movie called, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". I quit a long term relationship with Flonase and made some drastic changes to my diet. The hobbling and pain in my feet and limbs is completely gone and I am sleeping much more peacefully. I am so grateful for this journey toward good health!
This fall we also began classically educating our kids (Remi is 9, Rhett is 6 and Rhyson just turned 5)at home. We joined a Classical Conversations community where we receive tutoring and do science projects and presentations once a week. The rest of the week, Mom is the teacher. We all love it! It is a huge challenge and also a big adventure. This year I read "A Thomas Jefferson Education" and was so inspired! I am receiving a classical education along side my kids. I love it! And, yes, sometimes I am pulling my hair out too! Our CC group is a huge blessing! We commute 25 minutes to our group and to our surprise we met 3 other families from our small town. And just when I was starting to feel all alone in the middle of nowhere. =) Now just 6 months after moving here, I am blessed with a group of new friends. We meet weekly for breakfast and it is such an encouragement!
Andy is still working for the postal service. He is in Labor Relations these days and he seems to enjoy representing the management side in labor disputes… I keep teasing that he may need to go back to school for a law degree since he is already so good at 'lawyering'. Even though we moved farther away from town, Andy's commute is only about 5 minutes longer. He is loving living out here a
and becoming a real lumber jack!
We are so thankful for God's faithfulness and provision this year. May we glorify Him in 2012! I have been keeping my eyes and ears open for a word for next year.... maybe that is just it. Word!
Wishing you a blessed 2012 that surpasses your wildest dreams!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Norwex Vs eCloth: One Mom's Opinion
So... my sister in law was having a Norwex party.... I looked at the information and LOVED it. But they were a little expensive... somehow I came across ecloth, which calls itself a comparable product and is much less expensive. I searched the web and only found one review that was willing to say which they liked better and she was vague at that. I ordered the big 8 pack of eCloth Professional and ordered the Norwex AntiBac Polishing Cloth, Norwex AntiBac Body Cloths and the Norwex rep traded an Norwex AntiBac Enviro Cloth for one of my eCloth Professionals so we both could compare.
I am not doing any science to test the germ killing claims of either cloth.... I am just going to tell you what it they feel like. The eCloth Professionals are more similar in size to the Norwex Body cloths (and they are more similar in price too!!) The Body Cloths are much softer eCloth and seems to have more grab. Norwex Enviro Cloth is larger than the eCloth Professional and has a slightly different texture which also seems to have more grab. The Norwex products have a whole lot of 'grab', my guess is they must be a smaller microfiber than the eCloth. Overall I prefer the feel Norwex cloths. If they both really achieve the same purpose, then I suppose it doesn't matter which you get. I don't know whether or not they do. However, the Norwex products 'feel' more worth the spending spree... while the eCloths leave me wondering if I didn't just blow 50 bucks on overly expensive washcloths.
Not sure if any of them seem to have the magical ability to crush whatever it is that makes clothes get stinky. The eCloth definitely doesn't. I'll let you know if I change my mind. =(
sorry about the lack of proofreading... gotta get off the computer~
I am not doing any science to test the germ killing claims of either cloth.... I am just going to tell you what it they feel like. The eCloth Professionals are more similar in size to the Norwex Body cloths (and they are more similar in price too!!) The Body Cloths are much softer eCloth and seems to have more grab. Norwex Enviro Cloth is larger than the eCloth Professional and has a slightly different texture which also seems to have more grab. The Norwex products have a whole lot of 'grab', my guess is they must be a smaller microfiber than the eCloth. Overall I prefer the feel Norwex cloths. If they both really achieve the same purpose, then I suppose it doesn't matter which you get. I don't know whether or not they do. However, the Norwex products 'feel' more worth the spending spree... while the eCloths leave me wondering if I didn't just blow 50 bucks on overly expensive washcloths.
Not sure if any of them seem to have the magical ability to crush whatever it is that makes clothes get stinky. The eCloth definitely doesn't. I'll let you know if I change my mind. =(
sorry about the lack of proofreading... gotta get off the computer~
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Hallelujah!!
I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father! Whatever was oh-so wrong with me, is either under control or gone! I am sleeping through the night! No more confused night wakings or night terrors! I an no longer hobbling and exhausted by 4 o'clock! And, praise the Lord, I am no longer filled with anxiety and weeping the day away. I am not sure exactly "how" I am better, but I do know that many faithful people have been praying for me (thank you, thank you). He inspired a lot of changes... many of which I could never have done in my own strength. I am on an entirely gluten free and sugar free "anti-Candida" diet! I am even avoiding sugary fruit. I quit my three year long usage of Flonase. And I am taking Prilosec, because it turns out reflux is what was waking me with a jolt! I confess, I didn't believe it myself until I tried not to take it a couple days... and sure enough, I startled awake. Yuck!
I am so thankful for this new lease on life!
Surely, God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, The LORD himself, is my strength and defense; He has become my salvation! Isaiah 12:2
I am so thankful for this new lease on life!
Surely, God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, The LORD himself, is my strength and defense; He has become my salvation! Isaiah 12:2
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Less Sanity
I have to confess that this year of less is not going anything like I planned.
Less control, less sanity. I can not stop crying. I feel so worthless, so fraudulent, so completely useless.
I want to do all things through Christ who strengthens me. How does that work? I haven't blogged lately because I had hoped that I would share tidbits of wisdom gleaned and offer hope. I have been spending a whole lot of time in the slimy pit. I am waiting (I think). There is not much else you can do when you are stuck in the mud.
On a separate note, there was a beacon of light in my homeschooling tunnel this week. I have been learning about classical education and attended a practicum through Classical Conversations. We are joining one of their community groups this fall. I can hardly wait for school to start! Oh, wait, I guess we should finish this year sometime soon. Good thing we have 2 months!
One thing there is not less of over here.... birdies.
If you think of it... say a prayer that He would make Himself known to me. I don't really want to stop crying without Him.
PS... (a little update July 23) I feel bad leaving this blog sitting here ...so much was left out of this 'wailing' post. I have been having confused night wakings and many other wierd health issues. I have been to the doctor and I have beautiful bloodwork. I changed my diet drastically. No sugar, no gluton, no white carbs, and I have been juicing and eatting lots of greeens. I am for the most part, feeling tons better, thank God. However, I am still having confusion at night. It is so hard to say whether its the cause of my anxiety... or an effect of it! I had a sleep study that showed I have some sort of sleep apnea and am getting low oxygen when on my back...of course I didn't wake confused there... and it wasn't quite low enough to qualify me for a CPAP. The confusion is getting worse and I start awake... in a panic, heart racing over some revealed conspiracy, that quickly fogs over until I have no idea what I was talking about. Last night I had some white basmati rice with my dinner, and over the next few hours a headache and body aches descended (along with the bedtime confusion) Argh! I wish I knew what the deal was. I fear it may be systemic candida and am following a candida diet -aside from the slip up with the rice. So crazy! Anywhoooo, I am working on trusting God through this. He is the sovereign Lord of all.
Isaiah 12:2
2 Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense[a];
he has become my salvation.”
Psalm 32:7
7 You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Another Update: Praise God the nighttime confusion has ceased. I am on a high fat, low carb, gluten/sugar free diet and it has really been a help, taking quite a bit of advice from www.healingnaturallybybee.com. God has been so faithful through all this! I am thankful for this 'refining fire' and it is my prayer that I look more like Him on the other end.
Less control, less sanity. I can not stop crying. I feel so worthless, so fraudulent, so completely useless.
I want to do all things through Christ who strengthens me. How does that work? I haven't blogged lately because I had hoped that I would share tidbits of wisdom gleaned and offer hope. I have been spending a whole lot of time in the slimy pit. I am waiting (I think). There is not much else you can do when you are stuck in the mud.
On a separate note, there was a beacon of light in my homeschooling tunnel this week. I have been learning about classical education and attended a practicum through Classical Conversations. We are joining one of their community groups this fall. I can hardly wait for school to start! Oh, wait, I guess we should finish this year sometime soon. Good thing we have 2 months!
One thing there is not less of over here.... birdies.
If you think of it... say a prayer that He would make Himself known to me. I don't really want to stop crying without Him.
PS... (a little update July 23) I feel bad leaving this blog sitting here ...so much was left out of this 'wailing' post. I have been having confused night wakings and many other wierd health issues. I have been to the doctor and I have beautiful bloodwork. I changed my diet drastically. No sugar, no gluton, no white carbs, and I have been juicing and eatting lots of greeens. I am for the most part, feeling tons better, thank God. However, I am still having confusion at night. It is so hard to say whether its the cause of my anxiety... or an effect of it! I had a sleep study that showed I have some sort of sleep apnea and am getting low oxygen when on my back...of course I didn't wake confused there... and it wasn't quite low enough to qualify me for a CPAP. The confusion is getting worse and I start awake... in a panic, heart racing over some revealed conspiracy, that quickly fogs over until I have no idea what I was talking about. Last night I had some white basmati rice with my dinner, and over the next few hours a headache and body aches descended (along with the bedtime confusion) Argh! I wish I knew what the deal was. I fear it may be systemic candida and am following a candida diet -aside from the slip up with the rice. So crazy! Anywhoooo, I am working on trusting God through this. He is the sovereign Lord of all.
Isaiah 12:2
2 Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense[a];
he has become my salvation.”
Psalm 32:7
7 You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Another Update: Praise God the nighttime confusion has ceased. I am on a high fat, low carb, gluten/sugar free diet and it has really been a help, taking quite a bit of advice from www.healingnaturallybybee.com. God has been so faithful through all this! I am thankful for this 'refining fire' and it is my prayer that I look more like Him on the other end.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
More about Less!
Looks like it really is shaping up to be the Year of Less!
We are moving from about 2500 square feet to about 1100 and I couldn't be more excited. It is so much easier to donate stuff when you know you'll have no place to put it!=) Now instead of going through stuff and picking a few things to give away, we have to go though and pick out a few things to keep!
We are really excited about the little mobile we found and the prospect of moving out to the "3R Ranch" and are hoping all goes as planned... keeping in mind that we make our plans but HE directs our steps. =)
Let the adventure commence!!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Less
Less is a little bit more than I bargained for.
Less Control.
Control is really only an illusion anyway, right?
What if Our Big Plans for LESS aren't the plans He has for us?
Less of me and more of HIM means
- not grabbing the reigns
- learning to listen
- taking a deep breath
- taking it SLOW.
I am not so good at waiting on the LORD or listening for His direction. I am generally in a hurry. But I really do want less of me and more of HIM. I want transformation.
So here is my plan for transformation:
2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is— his good, pleasing and perfect will.
It would probably help to admit that this is really HIS plan and not mine....
Romans 12:2 (NIV)... maybe that means I am on the right track? =)
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Worrying about God's Will.....
At a woman's retreat in a similar wooded setting I was attempting to spend some alone time with God. I was praying, and shuffling through papers, having trouble deciding what to read from his Word and feeling guilty, frustrated and stressed out! Finally as I tried to find a place indoors to be alone with Him, I found myself sharing a reading room with another of his daughters. I didn't want to make a bunch of distracting noise by shuffling through my stuff so I decided to continue with the Bible Reading Plan I am using. I told God with some sarcasm that probably deserved a lightening bolt, "So, do you think you can speak to me through Joshua?"
And he promptly did. The words jumped of the page. "...How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the Lord, the God of your ancestors, has given you?"
I was filled with comfort and peace as I laughed and cried at the same time. It was like God said, "Get over yourself! I have given it to you! What are you waiting for?"
I have been learning a lot lately about God's will. I have learned it is not something you are supposed to worry about. Loving and obeying God will keep you there. God is sovereign and can use us even when we mess up, even though we are messed up.
I really learned a lot from John Piper over at DesiringGod.org on the subject. He has a talk you can watch, read or listen to for free: It is called "What Is the Will of God and How Do We Know It?"
Oh... and an added note... the aforementioned link also blessed me with understanding in the difficult area of God's Will during hardship/loss. I bet it would bless you too.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Psalm 73:21-23
Yesterday, I was a boneheaded hardhearted worm. Even so, He never left me. And He was kind enough to remind me this morning.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
and you can't really stop there, because it just gets better...
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
=)
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
and you can't really stop there, because it just gets better...
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
=)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tummy Trouble 2
I have since learned that abdominal adhesions after abdominal surgery are an extremely common complication... in fact they occur in most cases. They just usually don't do any harm. In the worst case, they can cause a complete obstruction of the small bowel. This is what our little girl was experiencing! It took a little while to diagnose, as the adhesions (scar tissue sticking things together that aren't supposed to be stuck together) are not visible in an x-ray or a cat scan. On the CT Scan it was apparent that she had a complete blockage of her small intestine and because the pain is excruciating and the result can be deadly, she underwent invasive exploratory abdominal surgery to find the cause. The culprit was the scar tissue. It had wrapped around and kinked the intestine so that a portion of it was gray and lifeless. Thankfully, upon removal of the scar tissue, the intestine pinked back up! God got us there just in time!
We stayed in the hospital 6 days. Surrounded by nurses and aides that sometimes could have been mistaken for ministering angels. At our previous ER visit to the Nearby Hospital, we encountered only one person in our 4 hour stay who really treated us with kindness and compassion. At this subsequent visit to the Children's hospital we stayed in the ER for about 10 hours and the hospital for 6 days and only met one person who who even rubbed us the wrong way.
This was a hard thing to go through. For me, the hardest thing was helplessly watching my child suffer so incredibly, and then while being beyond exhaustion, trying to grasp what was happening! Hard as it was, we were greatly blessed through it. We got to see our prayers answered, our daughter rescued from her agony. We got to experience the love of God through the body of Christ in action. We were so well cared for! All five of us! They swooped down, cared for the little brothers, fed my family, ran errands, visited us in the hospital, cleaned my house (hallelujah) and prayed without ceasing!
A few things I learned through this experience:
1. After Abdominal Surgery-- watch out for Abdominial Adhesions!
2. I don't always understand what God is doing, but I choose to trust Him anyway.
3. If my child is ever again in too much pain to continue the drive to the Children's Hospital, I will pull over and call an ambulance! Don't take your child the nearest hospital just because it is close. If you have a Children's Hospital available, go there! All hospitals are not well equipped to treat, or deal with kids. If one is not available, a teaching hospital would be my next choice. They offer lots of sets of eyes to look at your situation/ct scans/test results. Magnet awards get old and dusty, I would only weigh that if it were fresh!
1 Chronicles 29:13 (New International Version, ©2011)
13 Now, our God, we give you thanks,
and praise your glorious name.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (New International Version, ©2011)
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tummy Trouble
The Story of One Little Girl's Appendectomy and Mama's Lessons Learned
A week ago last Sunday, my darling eight year old daughter complained of a tummy ache. Having just come from birthday party at a public indoor swimming pool, I thought that was the culprit. In the morning, she complained of a tummy ache and nausea -- and their was a lot of that going around. Needless to say, I was not alarmed. When I called the pediatrician's office to discuss rescheduling an appointment due to her "tummy bug", I "accidentally" pressed 2 for the nurse hotline instead of the choosing the scheduling option. The nurse insisted on asking questions and I relayed them to my daughter, who just awakened from a long nap. I felt my eyes widen at each answer… not the answers I was expecting. The nurse instructed us to go immediately to the emergency room. I asked if we should head to Nearby Hospital (which is closer, with our pediatrician next-door but a limited pediatrics department) or to the more distant but more specialized Children's Hospital. We headed to Children's as advised.
In the car it became evident; this was no tummy bug. Every nook and cranny in the road was agonizing to my daughter. By the grace of God, we arrived at the Children's ER (he even provided a phone call from a dear friend to guide us to the entrance-- which stealthily evaded the rest of the friends and family who came later).
Our girl was brave. The IV and the Ultrasound were both difficult and terribly painful but she lay as still as possible for each and only occasionally whimpered while tears rolled down her cheeks. The staff was outstanding. They made us feel cared for and loved. It was hard to watch her suffering, but I felt God's peace. The tests confirmed appendicitis and a laparoscopic appendectomy was scheduled for first thing in the morning. He had providentially brought us to the hospital in plenty of time, so I figured He had the surgery covered. After morphine knocked out the pain and tylenol the fever, she slept well.
The surgery went smoothly and she felt good afterwards and ate and drank. They sent us home the same day in order to beat an incoming snow storm.
At home she continued to feel good. She wasn't interested in pain medicine. She was moving around more than I expected. A friend came over to play board games and sit with her and they kept flitting here and there until we gave up on that idea and sent the friend home. A couple hours later, about 30 hours after the surgery, she started complaining that it was hurting. I administered the narcotic the doctor prescribed. A couple hours later she was still suffering. I administered the ibuprofen they suggested to rotate with the narcotic. She just wasn't getting relief. I called the hospital a few times and we decided to wait and see.
At 4 am she finally fell asleep. She basically snoozed till noon the next day. She still complained of a tummy ache but nothing like the night before, until a little later in the evening when it began to worsen. I called and talked to the pediatric surgeon resident on call. He said "a little pain after surgery is to be expected". There was nothing little about this pain. Finally, our little girl was crying out and asking to go to the hospital. That was the final straw.
So we headed back to the ER, the ride was so unbearable she screamed in agony and vomited. Neither of us could bear the long ride to Children's so we diverted to the Nearby Hospital. A precious friend hopped in the car on the way with a barf bowl.
The reception at Nearby Hospital was cold. Perhaps these people have seen so much pain and suffering they have hardened their hearts. My formerly stoic daughter was no longer quietly suffering. She was screaming and begging for help. Finally, they took us back. Thankfully, the IV went in this time without a hitch. The PA was 'sweetly antagonistic', repeatedly pointing out to my daughter that their were no tears in her eyes. The nurse was firm but pleasant. Sadly, she was soon replaced by a joyfully named nurse who would have been more aptly named "Disdain".
We were told that the pain was likely due to all the air they pumped into her tummy for laparoscopic surgery trying to find its way out. A cat scan confirmed it. We later learn that for many people the pain of the air finding its way out is worse than any other pain they have felt during their ordeal. One friend, a mother of three, said it was the worst pain in her life!
As the time went by it was obvious that the pain medicine was wearing off, although thankfully she was still in a sleepy, albeit whimpering, calm. I asked the nurse if she would please be so kind as too administer some more pain medicine before we left to ease the 15 minute ride home, explaining that through this ordeal, the rides in the car have so exacerbated her pain that I feared we'd arrive home in far worse shape than before we headed to the hospital, and with no relief in sight. I can't remember her exact cold words. Something that indicated it was highly unlikely the provider would allow it. And there was something about "tough love". My daughter kept whimpering that she didn't want anymore medicine pain. That's the only reason I didn't pounce on the doctor and demand it.
And so we headed home. The ride hurt so bad she vomited again. She was in agony and crying out frantically to God to heal her. My heart was breaking. "God! Please heal me! Why won't you heal me!?" She wailed as I drove. Pleading silently with the LORD to answer her, and at the same time plagued with groanings of 'Why'. Why did we make this nightmarish trip to the hospital and all this pain and suffering and all for nothing? And then suddenly it was so quiet I thought she must be asleep, but when I backed down the driveway and crunched in the frozen snowdrift she ask, "are we stuck?" Daddy carried her in and tucked her in our bed. She told me God answered her prayer and then drifted off to sleep.
I fully expected her reprieve to be temporary. (Oh me of little faith!) But the next morning she was walking upright for the first time since the surgery and acting like a brand new girl. I had to repeatedly request that she stop skipping! She has had no pain since.
I was touched by the way God answered both our prayers. Both for her relief from pain and my groanings of why. God showed me how he could use this miserable trip to the ER for good. My sweet girl and I experienced a glorious answer to our prayers that neither of us will ever forget.
I am so thankful to the Great Physician, Jehova Rapha, and all the medical personnel he provided to help with our precious daughter's care.
On a medical note. Here are things that I would do different next time:
1. Ask more questions about what to expect after the surgery. I'd pose these questions to both doctors, nurses and to friends and family who might have gone through the same thing. I really didn't ask much, and they really didn't say much. I wish we were prepared for, or even aware of, he possibility of the air after the surgery being so incredibly painful. (***I don't really think they are that incredibly painful. My follow up post 'Tummy Trouble 2" tells the story of our return trip to the Children's Hospital the a week later for tremendous pain and complete bowel obstruction caused by abdominal adhesions--a complication I wish I had heard about!).
2. Ask more questions about how long we can stay after surgery. We got a letter a few days after the surgery from the insurance company showing that we were allowed to stay in the hospital for 5 days. If we had just stayed three we would have been in the loving comfort of the Children's Hospital when the severe pain hit. I had a twinge about leaving the hospital after the surgery when we did. She was resting so peacefully in that comfy bed with the beautiful hand made pillowcase they had given her. She even said she wanted to stay there and sleep!
3. Ask for more questions about drugs and their side effects. After the surgery, my daughter was prescribed a narcotic called Lortab for pain. This narcotic that was supposed to help ease her suffering (and it really didn't seem to help when she was in severe pain), but as a side effect, I was told it would make the bowels sluggish…. which is the opposite of what needed to happen after surgery. The doctor at the Nearby ER recommended Levsin instead as it is supposed to be helpful in that area. I can't testify to it's helpfulness since she was already feeling better by the time the prescription was filled.
LESSON's LEARNED:
1. God is faithful; He really does work all things for good for those who love Him!
2. Ask More Questions!
A week ago last Sunday, my darling eight year old daughter complained of a tummy ache. Having just come from birthday party at a public indoor swimming pool, I thought that was the culprit. In the morning, she complained of a tummy ache and nausea -- and their was a lot of that going around. Needless to say, I was not alarmed. When I called the pediatrician's office to discuss rescheduling an appointment due to her "tummy bug", I "accidentally" pressed 2 for the nurse hotline instead of the choosing the scheduling option. The nurse insisted on asking questions and I relayed them to my daughter, who just awakened from a long nap. I felt my eyes widen at each answer… not the answers I was expecting. The nurse instructed us to go immediately to the emergency room. I asked if we should head to Nearby Hospital (which is closer, with our pediatrician next-door but a limited pediatrics department) or to the more distant but more specialized Children's Hospital. We headed to Children's as advised.
In the car it became evident; this was no tummy bug. Every nook and cranny in the road was agonizing to my daughter. By the grace of God, we arrived at the Children's ER (he even provided a phone call from a dear friend to guide us to the entrance-- which stealthily evaded the rest of the friends and family who came later).
Our girl was brave. The IV and the Ultrasound were both difficult and terribly painful but she lay as still as possible for each and only occasionally whimpered while tears rolled down her cheeks. The staff was outstanding. They made us feel cared for and loved. It was hard to watch her suffering, but I felt God's peace. The tests confirmed appendicitis and a laparoscopic appendectomy was scheduled for first thing in the morning. He had providentially brought us to the hospital in plenty of time, so I figured He had the surgery covered. After morphine knocked out the pain and tylenol the fever, she slept well.
The surgery went smoothly and she felt good afterwards and ate and drank. They sent us home the same day in order to beat an incoming snow storm.
At home she continued to feel good. She wasn't interested in pain medicine. She was moving around more than I expected. A friend came over to play board games and sit with her and they kept flitting here and there until we gave up on that idea and sent the friend home. A couple hours later, about 30 hours after the surgery, she started complaining that it was hurting. I administered the narcotic the doctor prescribed. A couple hours later she was still suffering. I administered the ibuprofen they suggested to rotate with the narcotic. She just wasn't getting relief. I called the hospital a few times and we decided to wait and see.
At 4 am she finally fell asleep. She basically snoozed till noon the next day. She still complained of a tummy ache but nothing like the night before, until a little later in the evening when it began to worsen. I called and talked to the pediatric surgeon resident on call. He said "a little pain after surgery is to be expected". There was nothing little about this pain. Finally, our little girl was crying out and asking to go to the hospital. That was the final straw.
So we headed back to the ER, the ride was so unbearable she screamed in agony and vomited. Neither of us could bear the long ride to Children's so we diverted to the Nearby Hospital. A precious friend hopped in the car on the way with a barf bowl.
The reception at Nearby Hospital was cold. Perhaps these people have seen so much pain and suffering they have hardened their hearts. My formerly stoic daughter was no longer quietly suffering. She was screaming and begging for help. Finally, they took us back. Thankfully, the IV went in this time without a hitch. The PA was 'sweetly antagonistic', repeatedly pointing out to my daughter that their were no tears in her eyes. The nurse was firm but pleasant. Sadly, she was soon replaced by a joyfully named nurse who would have been more aptly named "Disdain".
We were told that the pain was likely due to all the air they pumped into her tummy for laparoscopic surgery trying to find its way out. A cat scan confirmed it. We later learn that for many people the pain of the air finding its way out is worse than any other pain they have felt during their ordeal. One friend, a mother of three, said it was the worst pain in her life!
As the time went by it was obvious that the pain medicine was wearing off, although thankfully she was still in a sleepy, albeit whimpering, calm. I asked the nurse if she would please be so kind as too administer some more pain medicine before we left to ease the 15 minute ride home, explaining that through this ordeal, the rides in the car have so exacerbated her pain that I feared we'd arrive home in far worse shape than before we headed to the hospital, and with no relief in sight. I can't remember her exact cold words. Something that indicated it was highly unlikely the provider would allow it. And there was something about "tough love". My daughter kept whimpering that she didn't want anymore medicine pain. That's the only reason I didn't pounce on the doctor and demand it.
And so we headed home. The ride hurt so bad she vomited again. She was in agony and crying out frantically to God to heal her. My heart was breaking. "God! Please heal me! Why won't you heal me!?" She wailed as I drove. Pleading silently with the LORD to answer her, and at the same time plagued with groanings of 'Why'. Why did we make this nightmarish trip to the hospital and all this pain and suffering and all for nothing? And then suddenly it was so quiet I thought she must be asleep, but when I backed down the driveway and crunched in the frozen snowdrift she ask, "are we stuck?" Daddy carried her in and tucked her in our bed. She told me God answered her prayer and then drifted off to sleep.
I fully expected her reprieve to be temporary. (Oh me of little faith!) But the next morning she was walking upright for the first time since the surgery and acting like a brand new girl. I had to repeatedly request that she stop skipping! She has had no pain since.
I was touched by the way God answered both our prayers. Both for her relief from pain and my groanings of why. God showed me how he could use this miserable trip to the ER for good. My sweet girl and I experienced a glorious answer to our prayers that neither of us will ever forget.
I am so thankful to the Great Physician, Jehova Rapha, and all the medical personnel he provided to help with our precious daughter's care.
On a medical note. Here are things that I would do different next time:
1. Ask more questions about what to expect after the surgery. I'd pose these questions to both doctors, nurses and to friends and family who might have gone through the same thing. I really didn't ask much, and they really didn't say much. I wish we were prepared for, or even aware of, he possibility of the air after the surgery being so incredibly painful. (***I don't really think they are that incredibly painful. My follow up post 'Tummy Trouble 2" tells the story of our return trip to the Children's Hospital the a week later for tremendous pain and complete bowel obstruction caused by abdominal adhesions--a complication I wish I had heard about!).
2. Ask more questions about how long we can stay after surgery. We got a letter a few days after the surgery from the insurance company showing that we were allowed to stay in the hospital for 5 days. If we had just stayed three we would have been in the loving comfort of the Children's Hospital when the severe pain hit. I had a twinge about leaving the hospital after the surgery when we did. She was resting so peacefully in that comfy bed with the beautiful hand made pillowcase they had given her. She even said she wanted to stay there and sleep!
3. Ask for more questions about drugs and their side effects. After the surgery, my daughter was prescribed a narcotic called Lortab for pain. This narcotic that was supposed to help ease her suffering (and it really didn't seem to help when she was in severe pain), but as a side effect, I was told it would make the bowels sluggish…. which is the opposite of what needed to happen after surgery. The doctor at the Nearby ER recommended Levsin instead as it is supposed to be helpful in that area. I can't testify to it's helpfulness since she was already feeling better by the time the prescription was filled.
LESSON's LEARNED:
1. God is faithful; He really does work all things for good for those who love Him!
2. Ask More Questions!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Profane Outbursts - And Another Epiphany
Well, so far, since my Winter Summmit Parenting Epiphanies... I only had one really bad day.... that was last Friday. That morning my middle child was refusing to cooperate or obey any simple request) Honestly, I cannot remember all the details due to the haze of emotions (not so much seeing red, as YELLOW). I am sure that he saw his Mama step back into the headlights, although I did not verbalize this. Finally, remember begging "Mama needs a TIME OUT! Mama needs a TIME OUT! I drug him out of my room bodily (by his feet? I think) and closed and locked my door.
He stayed right outside the door (so I know he was safe). I know this because and repeatedly kicked it, indefinitely. I called my husband on the phone and spoke allowed hateful words that I don't think I have ever verbalized about the fruit of my womb before (and hope never again). "I hate that little Bastard!" I wept.
For some reason I have been overly transparent lately... without for really thinking about who I am talking to, or worse, in front of. So, following this trend I loudly confessed this a few hours after it happened while the wound was still fresh, to two dear ladies at Home School PE (one with a precious baby girl on her lap). All this while my four year old was wrapped around my ankle (though thankfully I am quite sure he was oblivious--not that I checked before spilling my guts). And, of course I quoted myself QUITE audibly.
First off, I have to report that I got my period the next day and have been punished by the worst cramps in recent years. I also have not been able to get the looks of my friends sweet faces out of my mind. The Shock and the Horror. I believe it was mostly due to the fact that I just used filthy language at Home School PE (I mean, I am still horrified). But it may be that I used filthy language at all. Or that I could have said such a heinous thing at all about my own precious offspring, let alone repeated it. So anyway, I have been feeling bad about it. And thinking on it quite a bit. I am so thankful more little ears were not in range! I am regretting the "spillage" both the first (to my husband) and the second (the inappropriately timed confession), but wondering mostly, "Where on earth did that come from in the first place, I mean after all... he is my deeply loved child... and I am married to his father!?"
I have been reading a lovely (and some might say strange, though not I) combination of To Train Up a Child, Grace Based Parenting, Love and Logic and Scream-Free Parenting. All of which, I believe, are full of gems of Biblical wisdom (whether or not they quote scriptures). In recent days a lot verses about discipline have been brought to my attention by the former. And through His Word, I believe God answered my question.
In Hebrews chapter 12, starting about verse 5, the author talks all about how God disciplines His children and that, in fact, those He does not discipline are his illegitimate children (some versions actually use 'bastard'). The Message softens it to educate, while the KJV uses scourge! Proverbs 13:24 tells us that not correcting our child's behavior is not showing love to our child but is the opposite. I like the NET translation: "The one who spares his rods hates his child, but the one who loves his child is diligent in disciplining him." Let's face it. I have been inconsistent in training my children. No wonder in a moment of passion I could say, "I hate that little bastard". I have been treating Him like that!!
Now in case this was unclear in anyway. I love my children. I adore them. I would die to protect them. However, in my selfishness, I have not been treating them the way a loving mother should. I hope if I yelled, "Freeze!" to protect my child from danger (whether it be an oncoming car or an approaching coyote) that my children will stop in their tracks. At this point, I have not trained very well. =/ What if there is not time to say "Freeze!!! Please Freeze! (Insert Child's Full Name Here), look at me.... In the eyes... Please... stop... moving. NOW!"
Anywhooooooo. So we are working on a couple things starting this week at 3RAcademy. The kids focus is first time obedience. The coolest thing about first time obedience, is that as a parent...you don't even have a chance to get mad. Consequences on the first offense. No time for the mounting annoyance of a child who repeatedly refuses to obey. Mommy's focus is on proper use of her tongue.
Proverbs 29:11 KJV
A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
Proverbs 31:26 KJV
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Proverbs 21:23 KJV
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.
He stayed right outside the door (so I know he was safe). I know this because and repeatedly kicked it, indefinitely. I called my husband on the phone and spoke allowed hateful words that I don't think I have ever verbalized about the fruit of my womb before (and hope never again). "I hate that little Bastard!" I wept.
For some reason I have been overly transparent lately... without for really thinking about who I am talking to, or worse, in front of. So, following this trend I loudly confessed this a few hours after it happened while the wound was still fresh, to two dear ladies at Home School PE (one with a precious baby girl on her lap). All this while my four year old was wrapped around my ankle (though thankfully I am quite sure he was oblivious--not that I checked before spilling my guts). And, of course I quoted myself QUITE audibly.
First off, I have to report that I got my period the next day and have been punished by the worst cramps in recent years. I also have not been able to get the looks of my friends sweet faces out of my mind. The Shock and the Horror. I believe it was mostly due to the fact that I just used filthy language at Home School PE (I mean, I am still horrified). But it may be that I used filthy language at all. Or that I could have said such a heinous thing at all about my own precious offspring, let alone repeated it. So anyway, I have been feeling bad about it. And thinking on it quite a bit. I am so thankful more little ears were not in range! I am regretting the "spillage" both the first (to my husband) and the second (the inappropriately timed confession), but wondering mostly, "Where on earth did that come from in the first place, I mean after all... he is my deeply loved child... and I am married to his father!?"
I have been reading a lovely (and some might say strange, though not I) combination of To Train Up a Child, Grace Based Parenting, Love and Logic and Scream-Free Parenting. All of which, I believe, are full of gems of Biblical wisdom (whether or not they quote scriptures). In recent days a lot verses about discipline have been brought to my attention by the former. And through His Word, I believe God answered my question.
In Hebrews chapter 12, starting about verse 5, the author talks all about how God disciplines His children and that, in fact, those He does not discipline are his illegitimate children (some versions actually use 'bastard'). The Message softens it to educate, while the KJV uses scourge! Proverbs 13:24 tells us that not correcting our child's behavior is not showing love to our child but is the opposite. I like the NET translation: "The one who spares his rods hates his child, but the one who loves his child is diligent in disciplining him." Let's face it. I have been inconsistent in training my children. No wonder in a moment of passion I could say, "I hate that little bastard". I have been treating Him like that!!
Now in case this was unclear in anyway. I love my children. I adore them. I would die to protect them. However, in my selfishness, I have not been treating them the way a loving mother should. I hope if I yelled, "Freeze!" to protect my child from danger (whether it be an oncoming car or an approaching coyote) that my children will stop in their tracks. At this point, I have not trained very well. =/ What if there is not time to say "Freeze!!! Please Freeze! (Insert Child's Full Name Here), look at me.... In the eyes... Please... stop... moving. NOW!"
Anywhooooooo. So we are working on a couple things starting this week at 3RAcademy. The kids focus is first time obedience. The coolest thing about first time obedience, is that as a parent...you don't even have a chance to get mad. Consequences on the first offense. No time for the mounting annoyance of a child who repeatedly refuses to obey. Mommy's focus is on proper use of her tongue.
Proverbs 29:11 KJV
A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
Proverbs 31:26 KJV
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Proverbs 21:23 KJV
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Winter Summit Epiphanies
I have been home educating my 3 kiddos for just over a year. Mothering is without question the hardest thing I have ever done... and I guess I would call home educating a mothering marathon. Last year at the Winter Summit I heard that God probably didn't call me to home educate in order to work on my kids...but to refine me... to bring me to the "End of Myself". I don't think I really got that at the time. But just a couple weeks ago I was pretty sure I was there. I was certainly at the end of my rope. I was crying out to Jesus. Really wailing. And flooded by hopeless and destructive thoughts. I was filled with panic, doubt and despair.
A faint ray of hope was on the horizon: The Homeschool Mom Winter Summit. And I wasn't holding anything back. I tearfully shared my parenting debacles with other mothers; desperate I was for advice.
I had my parenting epiphany late Saturday evening at home (thanks in part to a sweet lady who stopped to encourage me right before I left the summit). I realized that I have been undermining my kids security. My middle child has been thinking his Mom can't handle him... and he has been checking and checking and checking and proving it to himself repeatedly that mom can't handle because he is so bad. =( Sunday morning I told everyone at breakfast... that I have very good news...God has given me a gem of wisdom that this weekend and that is that he has fully equipped me to handle my kids and that I know what to do with them. And that is confidently LOVE them in a way that makes them feel secure, which includes, at time, loving correction.
God had seemed so far away before the summit and so silent as I was barraged with fear and doubt, despair and destructive thoughts. A prayer room was provided at the Summit, fully equipped with prayer warriors to come along side. I had peaked in a few times but all the PWs were occupied with other Moms. In the chapel I suddenly realized it was nearly over and I hadn't gotten what I needed most. I ran out of the meeting in hopes of finding a Titus 2 Woman to pray for me. Evenutally I found this sweet lady (or rather she found me) I let it all out. I shared, I sobbed, I shouted. This lovely lady shared with me and prayed powerfully. And since then, I have felt His hope rising in me.
Here is my next epiphany. I realized that although I was crying out in desperation to Jesus, I did not have my eyes on Him at all! Focusing only on my weakness and helplessness and not on His strength and provision, I was blatantly refusing to put my hope in Him. I am so glad to be unstuck from that place. That place was not a place of LESS (my word for this year) of me and more of Him, but a place of complete and utter Self Absorption! Dying to self is the ultimate in LESS, right? Only I don’t believe that dying to self is a slow painful death — that painful part? — I was desperately clinging to self and I didn’t even realize it! And when I let go of that and focused on the Holy One and His plans to finish the good work he started in me, I had my first big taste of freedom in Christ.
A faint ray of hope was on the horizon: The Homeschool Mom Winter Summit. And I wasn't holding anything back. I tearfully shared my parenting debacles with other mothers; desperate I was for advice.
I had my parenting epiphany late Saturday evening at home (thanks in part to a sweet lady who stopped to encourage me right before I left the summit). I realized that I have been undermining my kids security. My middle child has been thinking his Mom can't handle him... and he has been checking and checking and checking and proving it to himself repeatedly that mom can't handle because he is so bad. =( Sunday morning I told everyone at breakfast... that I have very good news...God has given me a gem of wisdom that this weekend and that is that he has fully equipped me to handle my kids and that I know what to do with them. And that is confidently LOVE them in a way that makes them feel secure, which includes, at time, loving correction.
God had seemed so far away before the summit and so silent as I was barraged with fear and doubt, despair and destructive thoughts. A prayer room was provided at the Summit, fully equipped with prayer warriors to come along side. I had peaked in a few times but all the PWs were occupied with other Moms. In the chapel I suddenly realized it was nearly over and I hadn't gotten what I needed most. I ran out of the meeting in hopes of finding a Titus 2 Woman to pray for me. Evenutally I found this sweet lady (or rather she found me) I let it all out. I shared, I sobbed, I shouted. This lovely lady shared with me and prayed powerfully. And since then, I have felt His hope rising in me.
Here is my next epiphany. I realized that although I was crying out in desperation to Jesus, I did not have my eyes on Him at all! Focusing only on my weakness and helplessness and not on His strength and provision, I was blatantly refusing to put my hope in Him. I am so glad to be unstuck from that place. That place was not a place of LESS (my word for this year) of me and more of Him, but a place of complete and utter Self Absorption! Dying to self is the ultimate in LESS, right? Only I don’t believe that dying to self is a slow painful death — that painful part? — I was desperately clinging to self and I didn’t even realize it! And when I let go of that and focused on the Holy One and His plans to finish the good work he started in me, I had my first big taste of freedom in Christ.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Year of Less
I love this... one word thing.... my friend Nikkie over at Another Turn of the Page got me excited about Alece's idea ... one word rather than a resolution.... a word.
After thought and prayer...
This is the Year of Less. Less stuff in my closet, Less food on my plate, Less crap on my calendar, Less of me and more of HIM.
A couple days after being introduced to Grit and Glory's One word... I ran into A holy Experience and was equally inspired to Name the Year with my One Word!
Better Run! For me Less includes time "dying on computer". =D
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Jumping Off that Train
My hubby started suggesting home schooling now and then, to which I would mutter something under my breath like, ‘then you do it,” or “bite me”. He would suggest it when we heard stories of school violence. He would suggest it when our daughter would come home ‘surly’. He would suggest it when he saw his friends with older kids immersed in the Sports Culture of Oklahoma. He would suggest it when I voiced concern over theories being taught as truth in schools. So finally after much stubborn resistance, I started to really think about it.
I remember coasting through school, never being challenged, and only occasionally being interested. I got good grades (many thanks to the curve), but I was confused. Mostly I unsure about God, the Universe and Everything. I stayed confused for a long, long time. I used to go to summer camp at Rawhide Ranch where I heard I little bit of the truth of Jesus Christ, usually at Wednesday night campfire. Afterwords, as I went on through life attempting to follow Christ, the Bible didn’t seem to jibe with the ‘truth’ I grew up learning; namely popular theories like Evolution, Humanism, The Big Bang, and ‘Many Paths to God’. I wonder if it would have been different if I went to Christian School and grew up with a Christian World View instead of a Secular World View? I am certain it would have been; my old world view is still baggage I carry!
As soon as I became a Mom, I knew that my number one goal in parenting was to impart faith in Jesus Christ to my kids. I do not want them on the long hard and brokenhearted road to nowhere I traveled before I finally chose the narrow path. I love them more than life, why would I not illuminate the path I hope they will choose to walk?
As second grade began, I began thinking more and more about how on I could ensure my daughter learned the truth when she was away from me from 8 hours every day. When she gets home she doesn’t want to spend the remaining 4 hours until bedtime with me (which stinks because I want to spend it with her). She wants to play outside and with her friends!
Our town has great schools as far as public schools go, but I really have had no clue what is going on since day one. I want my kids to learn the truth of the history of our great nation and its founding fathers. The more I research, the more I realize that doesn’t happen at public school anymore. I want my children to be taught Biblical and historical truth. And that Truth exists!
I see my friends with older kids constantly shuttling kids from different schools to different sports practices and games. They have nary a moment to breath, let alone to pass on wisdom, or teach by example or have a deep conversation or enjoy a meal around the table as a family. We are not there yet but we are on the same train! I realized it is not too late. It’s not going so fast we can’t jump off (and even if it were –we could still jump – I just reckon it would hurt a bit more)!
After much of research and prayer and getting that peaceful easy feeling that comes from on High. I have become certain that at this time, this is God’s will for OUR FAMILY. We are jumping off the train. =)
I remember coasting through school, never being challenged, and only occasionally being interested. I got good grades (many thanks to the curve), but I was confused. Mostly I unsure about God, the Universe and Everything. I stayed confused for a long, long time. I used to go to summer camp at Rawhide Ranch where I heard I little bit of the truth of Jesus Christ, usually at Wednesday night campfire. Afterwords, as I went on through life attempting to follow Christ, the Bible didn’t seem to jibe with the ‘truth’ I grew up learning; namely popular theories like Evolution, Humanism, The Big Bang, and ‘Many Paths to God’. I wonder if it would have been different if I went to Christian School and grew up with a Christian World View instead of a Secular World View? I am certain it would have been; my old world view is still baggage I carry!
As soon as I became a Mom, I knew that my number one goal in parenting was to impart faith in Jesus Christ to my kids. I do not want them on the long hard and brokenhearted road to nowhere I traveled before I finally chose the narrow path. I love them more than life, why would I not illuminate the path I hope they will choose to walk?
As second grade began, I began thinking more and more about how on I could ensure my daughter learned the truth when she was away from me from 8 hours every day. When she gets home she doesn’t want to spend the remaining 4 hours until bedtime with me (which stinks because I want to spend it with her). She wants to play outside and with her friends!
Our town has great schools as far as public schools go, but I really have had no clue what is going on since day one. I want my kids to learn the truth of the history of our great nation and its founding fathers. The more I research, the more I realize that doesn’t happen at public school anymore. I want my children to be taught Biblical and historical truth. And that Truth exists!
I see my friends with older kids constantly shuttling kids from different schools to different sports practices and games. They have nary a moment to breath, let alone to pass on wisdom, or teach by example or have a deep conversation or enjoy a meal around the table as a family. We are not there yet but we are on the same train! I realized it is not too late. It’s not going so fast we can’t jump off (and even if it were –we could still jump – I just reckon it would hurt a bit more)!
After much of research and prayer and getting that peaceful easy feeling that comes from on High. I have become certain that at this time, this is God’s will for OUR FAMILY. We are jumping off the train. =)
Monday, September 28, 2009
What I heard in the Word...
Just a few days ago I finally made good on my promise to start journaling as I read my Bible. Yesterday was the most special time spent in the Word I have ever had. I have never quite had a Bible reading experience like this before. This is in no way intended as a political commentary. Please don’t interpret it as such. I just wanted to share my experience in God's Word.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday before I sat down to read my One Year Bible, I began to pour out my heart telling God what He already knows is on my heart. I wrote as I prayed:
“I am so afraid about the political situation – I know I shouldn’t be—to God be the Glory! I should be trusting Him! I am praying our nation would turn back to her godly origins and that as a nation we would repent. I am praying that God will deliver us from this president (who I know He is using as His pawn!) and from the Hellish agenda. I am afraid of the future of/in this nation for those that love God and I’m praying that I (and my family) would be faithful. It is terrifying that the President has his eye on my precious boys. Please Lord help me train them up in the way they should go. Please Lord hold my kiddos tightly. Engrave us on Your palm!”
In Isaiah 49 God says “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands...” I have loved the phrase since first hearing it… the idea that God holds on to us so tightly that we are etched onto his palm…marvelous!"
After jotting down my heartfelt prayer in complete distress, I began to read from the One Year Bible (that’s the New Living Translation, by the way). I am currently a day behind – and don’t go thinking, ‘wow, she is disciplined’ – I started in early November. This is my first attempt (without giving up!?) to read the entire Bible and my first time reading Isaiah.
Isaiah 51 began by grabbing my attention “Listen to me, all who hope for deliverance – all who seek the Lord!” I just prayed for deliverance!
Now I am no Bible scholar, but I count myself among God’s chosen people. I believe that when we gentiles choose to accept God’s free gift of salvation through Christ, we are ‘grafted’ into His family tree. So when the Bible says, ‘Yo Abraham!’ ‘Hey Jacob!’ ‘Yo Israel!’ or ‘Hey Zion!’ I am all ears.
I read on…
“4 “Listen to me, my people.
Hear me, Israel,
for my law will be proclaimed,
and my justice will become a light to the nations.
5 My mercy and justice are coming soon.
My salvation is on the way.
My strong arm will bring justice to the nations.
All distant lands will look to me
and wait in hope for my powerful arm.
At this point I copied those verses down in my journal and wrote prayerfully, “Lord, I am waiting in hope for your powerful arm!”
Then in verse 6 God reminded me to keep my eye to the sky! That this is earthly life is not where my focus should be.
In verse 7 I was reminded of my fear of reproach from my non-Christian friends (not that any of them have done or said a single thing to deserve this, this is just a major issue for me personally…and in part why I felt I should go ahead and post this since I really felt like sharing it).
In verse 9, I heard my own plea repeated, “Wake up, wake up, O LORD! Clothe yourself with strength! Flex your mighty right arm!”
In verses 12-16 God continued to speak straight to my heart. He reminded me that He is my comforter. This was especially touching because of the sweet reprieve God has given me over the last couple days, even while our home is still wracked with illnesses, the dark feeling of despair is gone. I have been filled with hope! Then He lovingly addressed my fear and overwhelming dread about our nation's leader. He called me out on my fear of man, reminding me that He is the Creator and the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. He reminds me that He will (and has already) overcome the world. Most precious of all, verse 16, He reminded me that, just as I had asked, He has hidden me safely in his hand!
12 “I, yes I, am the one who comforts you.
So why are you afraid of mere humans,
who wither like the grass and disappear?
13 Yet you have forgotten the LORD, your Creator,
the one who stretched out the sky like a canopy
and laid the foundations of the earth.
Will you remain in constant dread of human oppressors?
Will you continue to fear the anger of your enemies?
Where is their fury and anger now?
It is gone!
14 Soon all you captives will be released!
Imprisonment, starvation, and death will not be your fate!
15 For I am the LORD your God,
who stirs up the sea, causing its waves to roar.
My name is the LORD of Heaven’s Armies.
16 And I have put my words in your mouth
and hidden you safely in my hand.
I stretched out[d] the sky like a canopy
and laid the foundations of the earth.
I am the one who says to Israel,
‘You are my people!’”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday before I sat down to read my One Year Bible, I began to pour out my heart telling God what He already knows is on my heart. I wrote as I prayed:
“I am so afraid about the political situation – I know I shouldn’t be—to God be the Glory! I should be trusting Him! I am praying our nation would turn back to her godly origins and that as a nation we would repent. I am praying that God will deliver us from this president (who I know He is using as His pawn!) and from the Hellish agenda. I am afraid of the future of/in this nation for those that love God and I’m praying that I (and my family) would be faithful. It is terrifying that the President has his eye on my precious boys. Please Lord help me train them up in the way they should go. Please Lord hold my kiddos tightly. Engrave us on Your palm!”
In Isaiah 49 God says “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands...” I have loved the phrase since first hearing it… the idea that God holds on to us so tightly that we are etched onto his palm…marvelous!"
After jotting down my heartfelt prayer in complete distress, I began to read from the One Year Bible (that’s the New Living Translation, by the way). I am currently a day behind – and don’t go thinking, ‘wow, she is disciplined’ – I started in early November. This is my first attempt (without giving up!?) to read the entire Bible and my first time reading Isaiah.
Isaiah 51 began by grabbing my attention “Listen to me, all who hope for deliverance – all who seek the Lord!” I just prayed for deliverance!
Now I am no Bible scholar, but I count myself among God’s chosen people. I believe that when we gentiles choose to accept God’s free gift of salvation through Christ, we are ‘grafted’ into His family tree. So when the Bible says, ‘Yo Abraham!’ ‘Hey Jacob!’ ‘Yo Israel!’ or ‘Hey Zion!’ I am all ears.
I read on…
“4 “Listen to me, my people.
Hear me, Israel,
for my law will be proclaimed,
and my justice will become a light to the nations.
5 My mercy and justice are coming soon.
My salvation is on the way.
My strong arm will bring justice to the nations.
All distant lands will look to me
and wait in hope for my powerful arm.
At this point I copied those verses down in my journal and wrote prayerfully, “Lord, I am waiting in hope for your powerful arm!”
Then in verse 6 God reminded me to keep my eye to the sky! That this is earthly life is not where my focus should be.
In verse 7 I was reminded of my fear of reproach from my non-Christian friends (not that any of them have done or said a single thing to deserve this, this is just a major issue for me personally…and in part why I felt I should go ahead and post this since I really felt like sharing it).
In verse 9, I heard my own plea repeated, “Wake up, wake up, O LORD! Clothe yourself with strength! Flex your mighty right arm!”
In verses 12-16 God continued to speak straight to my heart. He reminded me that He is my comforter. This was especially touching because of the sweet reprieve God has given me over the last couple days, even while our home is still wracked with illnesses, the dark feeling of despair is gone. I have been filled with hope! Then He lovingly addressed my fear and overwhelming dread about our nation's leader. He called me out on my fear of man, reminding me that He is the Creator and the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. He reminds me that He will (and has already) overcome the world. Most precious of all, verse 16, He reminded me that, just as I had asked, He has hidden me safely in his hand!
12 “I, yes I, am the one who comforts you.
So why are you afraid of mere humans,
who wither like the grass and disappear?
13 Yet you have forgotten the LORD, your Creator,
the one who stretched out the sky like a canopy
and laid the foundations of the earth.
Will you remain in constant dread of human oppressors?
Will you continue to fear the anger of your enemies?
Where is their fury and anger now?
It is gone!
14 Soon all you captives will be released!
Imprisonment, starvation, and death will not be your fate!
15 For I am the LORD your God,
who stirs up the sea, causing its waves to roar.
My name is the LORD of Heaven’s Armies.
16 And I have put my words in your mouth
and hidden you safely in my hand.
I stretched out[d] the sky like a canopy
and laid the foundations of the earth.
I am the one who says to Israel,
‘You are my people!’”
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
MOPS – What’s the point?
MOPS stands for Mothers of Pre-Schoolers (that’s moms of from newborn to kindergarten). But what is MOPS all about? MOPS is about bringing Moms closer to Jesus Christ. Moms of little ones are in a unique period of life, with its own unique struggles and sometimes intense feeling of aloneness, much of which eventually fade into memories of cherished chubby cheeked cherubs. But when you are in it, you are IN IT. It’s a time of life when that God-shaped hole in our heart cries out to be filled. Lost moms are ready to be found! Whether it is because they have no clue about God’s free gift of salvation, because they’ve wandered from the path, or because they are just going through the motions; lost moms are ready to be found. When a lost mom is found all of Heaven rejoices. And just think — due to her influence on her family — of all the potential for celebration!!
Why come to MOPS when I am not lost? A MOPS group needs Moms who love Jesus, who are willing to reach out — just across the table — to a mom who needs a shoulder, a hug, a friend, and the Savior.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Looking back at my first MOPS
In early 2003 my family moved to OKC from T-town, my hubby and I had a 6 month old baby girl and we didn’t know a soul. We’d been married 8 years and we’d only gone to church a handful times. Mostly we were uncomfortable and intimidated. Andy was disillusioned about Christianity due to the party-tonight-repent-tomorrow attitude of the church he grew up in and I had asked Jesus into my heart at countless campfires at Rawhide Ranch camp when I was a kid, but basically I was confused and lost, and I had a longing to raise my daughter so that she wouldn’t be.
When we moved here, my husband was taking a new job and I was beginning my new career as a stay-at-home mom. I wanted to meet other moms. My mom told me about MOPS (a neighbor had told her about it), so I looked it up online, and found Metropolitan MOPS.
I found MOPS to be warm and welcoming… and the speakers inspiring. My daughter was lovingly rocked by a precious MOPPETS worker. It was her first time away from me and though it was hard for both of us, I was felt comfortable that she was secure and loved. The meeting was great. I think I painted a picture frame –that still, six years later, proudly displays a picture of our family in her room. We munched on breakfast and heard a dear lady share about friendship. I was eventually invited to my first Bible Study by someone in my small group, and within a few months, our family began attending church at MBC. Our lives have changed so much for the better, we have grown so much here! I pray that God will keep on growing us into a closer relationship with Him. And I believe He will!
You know what? My story is not unique! Last Year, six MOPS Moms came to a Bible Study on Thursday mornings. For at least one, it was the first one she’d ever been to. God uses MOPS to draw Moms to Him. And I am sooo thankful!
When we moved here, my husband was taking a new job and I was beginning my new career as a stay-at-home mom. I wanted to meet other moms. My mom told me about MOPS (a neighbor had told her about it), so I looked it up online, and found Metropolitan MOPS.
I found MOPS to be warm and welcoming… and the speakers inspiring. My daughter was lovingly rocked by a precious MOPPETS worker. It was her first time away from me and though it was hard for both of us, I was felt comfortable that she was secure and loved. The meeting was great. I think I painted a picture frame –that still, six years later, proudly displays a picture of our family in her room. We munched on breakfast and heard a dear lady share about friendship. I was eventually invited to my first Bible Study by someone in my small group, and within a few months, our family began attending church at MBC. Our lives have changed so much for the better, we have grown so much here! I pray that God will keep on growing us into a closer relationship with Him. And I believe He will!
You know what? My story is not unique! Last Year, six MOPS Moms came to a Bible Study on Thursday mornings. For at least one, it was the first one she’d ever been to. God uses MOPS to draw Moms to Him. And I am sooo thankful!
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