Soooo, 2013 in review? I really hit rock-bottom spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Onward to 2014.
Spending all day every day together couldn't be good for any of us, especially the kiddos. I was no example of living by the Spirit, the only fruit in my life was bitterness, impatience and discontent. So after MANY tears/prayer we put the kids in public school this semester. The verse in Luke about leaving everything and "hating" your family in order to follow Jesus really spoke to me. I want to truly follow Christ -- you know -- the One whose "Yoke is easy and burden, light!" I have to find LIFE and LIFE to the full in order to share it with those around me. Only then will I be able to bless my family and others! I felt like God was speaking to my heart, "Trust Me with your kids and come follow Me". I decided my word for the year would be JESUS and I would let NOTHING get between us.
Just a week after school started I went on a women's retreat. That first night I knelt with some other ladies praying for a return to the joy of His salvation. I felt like I was crying out from the pit, so great was the depth of my despair. Then quite suddenly, right there in the midst of my sorrow, it came! I was filled with God's love -- I can't remember ever being rescued so rapidly! Bursting full of love -- and straight from the pit of Hell! I was skipping through the retreat center.
Upon coming home .... my circumstances were still there and I have had to work to take every negative thought captive. I decided I wanted to focus on JESUS and less on my so-called rights. I started reading the Gospels, and also a book called "Speaking of Jesus". This book really spoke to me. It spoke to me about how simple the gospel is and how we as Evangelical Christians (and the like) have added to it, just like the Pharisees added to the Law. And how much I have BLOWN it trying to share Jesus by trying to share a doctrinal plan of salvation when HE IS THE PLAN.
Months ago I was talking with a new friend and had mentioned my favorite part of the Narnia Series in 'The Last Battle". And he dared me to read "Love Wins" by Rob Bell. I think I chickened out at the time, because in the dare he might have mentioned heresy or something. Regardless I decided to triple dog dare myself and now there would be no turning back.
This book knocked my socks off. I feel like the scales fell away from my eyes. GOD is greater and more glorious than I ever imagined. It turns out HE is just Who I always wanted Him to be, and who He said He was. GOD IS LOVE. You may be saying, "Duh." But some of what I had been taught left me with contrary feeling in my gut and an enormous burden on my shoulders. Reading this book I was BLIND-SIDED by God's Love. After I finished the chapter on hell, I bawled my eyes out --WITH JOY!. I had been in a personal hell the last several months (years?!), and He had died to rescue me from it. After finishing this book I feel like I just got the Good News! And I did. I really did. Before I read this book, I honestly felt somewhere deep down like the Good News was really bad news masquerading as good news. But it's not! It's the BEST NEWS EVER. I know that in evangelical circles this book is highly taboo, but I was BLIND and now I SEE the goodness of God. Some reviews on Amazon chide this book saying Rob Bell is obviously a Universalist. I read it twice and I did not get that at all. The other complaints are that it somehow diminishes the power of the cross. Really? For me the cross just got a whole lot more powerful. And my savior more lovely than I ever imagined. I don't agree with every sentence in this book, but I have been telling Jesus for years that I want to be head over heels crazy about Him. And now, I AM.
