Tummy Trouble

The Story of One Little Girl's Appendectomy and Mama's Lessons Learned

A week ago last Sunday, my darling eight year old daughter complained of a tummy ache. Having just come from birthday party at a public indoor swimming pool, I thought that was the culprit. In the morning, she complained of a tummy ache and nausea -- and their was a lot of that going around. Needless to say, I was not alarmed. When I called the pediatrician's office to discuss rescheduling an appointment due to her "tummy bug", I "accidentally" pressed 2 for the nurse hotline instead of the choosing the scheduling option. The nurse insisted on asking questions and I relayed them to my daughter, who just awakened from a long nap. I felt my eyes widen at each answer… not the answers I was expecting. The nurse instructed us to go immediately to the emergency room. I asked if we should head to Nearby Hospital (which is closer, with our pediatrician next-door but a limited pediatrics department) or to the more distant but more specialized Children's Hospital. We headed to Children's as advised.

In the car it became evident; this was no tummy bug. Every nook and cranny in the road was agonizing to my daughter. By the grace of God, we arrived at the Children's ER (he even provided a phone call from a dear friend to guide us to the entrance-- which stealthily evaded the rest of the friends and family who came later).

Our girl was brave. The IV and the Ultrasound were both difficult and terribly painful but she lay as still as possible for each and only occasionally whimpered while tears rolled down her cheeks. The staff was outstanding. They made us feel cared for and loved. It was hard to watch her suffering, but I felt God's peace. The tests confirmed appendicitis and a laparoscopic appendectomy was scheduled for first thing in the morning. He had providentially brought us to the hospital in plenty of time, so I figured He had the surgery covered. After morphine knocked out the pain and tylenol the fever, she slept well.

The surgery went smoothly and she felt good afterwards and ate and drank. They sent us home the same day in order to beat an incoming snow storm.

At home she continued to feel good. She wasn't interested in pain medicine. She was moving around more than I expected. A friend came over to play board games and sit with her and they kept flitting here and there until we gave up on that idea and sent the friend home. A couple hours later, about 30 hours after the surgery, she started complaining that it was hurting. I administered the narcotic the doctor prescribed. A couple hours later she was still suffering. I administered the ibuprofen they suggested to rotate with the narcotic. She just wasn't getting relief. I called the hospital a few times and we decided to wait and see.

At 4 am she finally fell asleep. She basically snoozed till noon the next day. She still complained of a tummy ache but nothing like the night before, until a little later in the evening when it began to worsen. I called and talked to the pediatric surgeon resident on call. He said "a little pain after surgery is to be expected". There was nothing little about this pain. Finally, our little girl was crying out and asking to go to the hospital. That was the final straw.

So we headed back to the ER, the ride was so unbearable she screamed in agony and vomited. Neither of us could bear the long ride to Children's so we diverted to the Nearby Hospital. A precious friend hopped in the car on the way with a barf bowl.
The reception at Nearby Hospital was cold. Perhaps these people have seen so much pain and suffering they have hardened their hearts. My formerly stoic daughter was no longer quietly suffering. She was screaming and begging for help. Finally, they took us back. Thankfully, the IV went in this time without a hitch. The PA was 'sweetly antagonistic', repeatedly pointing out to my daughter that their were no tears in her eyes. The nurse was firm but pleasant. Sadly, she was soon replaced by a joyfully named nurse who would have been more aptly named "Disdain".

We were told that the pain was likely due to all the air they pumped into her tummy for laparoscopic surgery trying to find its way out. A cat scan confirmed it. We later learn that for many people the pain of the air finding its way out is worse than any other pain they have felt during their ordeal. One friend, a mother of three, said it was the worst pain in her life!

As the time went by it was obvious that the pain medicine was wearing off, although thankfully she was still in a sleepy, albeit whimpering, calm. I asked the nurse if she would please be so kind as too administer some more pain medicine before we left to ease the 15 minute ride home, explaining that through this ordeal, the rides in the car have so exacerbated her pain that I feared we'd arrive home in far worse shape than before we headed to the hospital, and with no relief in sight. I can't remember her exact cold words. Something that indicated it was highly unlikely the provider would allow it. And there was something about "tough love". My daughter kept whimpering that she didn't want anymore medicine pain. That's the only reason I didn't pounce on the doctor and demand it.

And so we headed home. The ride hurt so bad she vomited again. She was in agony and crying out frantically to God to heal her. My heart was breaking. "God! Please heal me! Why won't you heal me!?" She wailed as I drove. Pleading silently with the LORD to answer her, and at the same time plagued with groanings of 'Why'. Why did we make this nightmarish trip to the hospital and all this pain and suffering and all for nothing? And then suddenly it was so quiet I thought she must be asleep, but when I backed down the driveway and crunched in the frozen snowdrift she ask, "are we stuck?" Daddy carried her in and tucked her in our bed. She told me God answered her prayer and then drifted off to sleep.

I fully expected her reprieve to be temporary. (Oh me of little faith!) But the next morning she was walking upright for the first time since the surgery and acting like a brand new girl. I had to repeatedly request that she stop skipping! She has had no pain since.

I was touched by the way God answered both our prayers. Both for her relief from pain and my groanings of why. God showed me how he could use this miserable trip to the ER for good. My sweet girl and I experienced a glorious answer to our prayers that neither of us will ever forget.

I am so thankful to the Great Physician, Jehova Rapha, and all the medical personnel he provided to help with our precious daughter's care.

On a medical note. Here are things that I would do different next time:

1. Ask more questions about what to expect after the surgery. I'd pose these questions to both doctors, nurses and to friends and family who might have gone through the same thing. I really didn't ask much, and they really didn't say much. I wish we were prepared for, or even aware of, he possibility of the air after the surgery being so incredibly painful. (***I don't really think they are that incredibly painful. My follow up post 'Tummy Trouble 2" tells the story of our return trip to the Children's Hospital the a week later for tremendous pain and complete bowel obstruction caused by abdominal adhesions--a complication I wish I had heard about!).

2. Ask more questions about how long we can stay after surgery. We got a letter a few days after the surgery from the insurance company showing that we were allowed to stay in the hospital for 5 days. If we had just stayed three we would have been in the loving comfort of the Children's Hospital when the severe pain hit. I had a twinge about leaving the hospital after the surgery when we did. She was resting so peacefully in that comfy bed with the beautiful hand made pillowcase they had given her. She even said she wanted to stay there and sleep!

3. Ask for more questions about drugs and their side effects. After the surgery, my daughter was prescribed a narcotic called Lortab for pain. This narcotic that was supposed to help ease her suffering (and it really didn't seem to help when she was in severe pain), but as a side effect, I was told it would make the bowels sluggish…. which is the opposite of what needed to happen after surgery. The doctor at the Nearby ER recommended Levsin instead as it is supposed to be helpful in that area. I can't testify to it's helpfulness since she was already feeling better by the time the prescription was filled.

LESSON's LEARNED:

1. God is faithful; He really does work all things for good for those who love Him!

2. Ask More Questions!

Profane Outbursts - And Another Epiphany

Well, so far, since my Winter Summmit Parenting Epiphanies... I only had one really bad day.... that was last Friday. That morning my middle child was refusing to cooperate or obey any simple request) Honestly, I cannot remember all the details due to the haze of emotions (not so much seeing red, as YELLOW). I am sure that he saw his Mama step back into the headlights, although I did not verbalize this. Finally, remember begging "Mama needs a TIME OUT! Mama needs a TIME OUT! I drug him out of my room bodily (by his feet? I think) and closed and locked my door.

He stayed right outside the door (so I know he was safe). I know this because and repeatedly kicked it, indefinitely. I called my husband on the phone and spoke allowed hateful words that I don't think I have ever verbalized about the fruit of my womb before (and hope never again). "I hate that little Bastard!" I wept.

For some reason I have been overly transparent lately... without for really thinking about who I am talking to, or worse, in front of. So, following this trend I loudly confessed this a few hours after it happened while the wound was still fresh, to two dear ladies at Home School PE (one with a precious baby girl on her lap). All this while my four year old was wrapped around my ankle (though thankfully I am quite sure he was oblivious--not that I checked before spilling my guts). And, of course I quoted myself QUITE audibly.

First off, I have to report that I got my period the next day and have been punished by the worst cramps in recent years. I also have not been able to get the looks of my friends sweet faces out of my mind. The Shock and the Horror. I believe it was mostly due to the fact that I just used filthy language at Home School PE (I mean, I am still horrified). But it may be that I used filthy language at all. Or that I could have said such a heinous thing at all about my own precious offspring, let alone repeated it. So anyway, I have been feeling bad about it. And thinking on it quite a bit. I am so thankful more little ears were not in range! I am regretting the "spillage" both the first (to my husband) and the second (the inappropriately timed confession), but wondering mostly, "Where on earth did that come from in the first place, I mean after all... he is my deeply loved child... and I am married to his father!?"

I have been reading a lovely (and some might say strange, though not I) combination of To Train Up a Child, Grace Based Parenting, Love and Logic and Scream-Free Parenting. All of which, I believe, are full of gems of Biblical wisdom (whether or not they quote scriptures). In recent days a lot verses about discipline have been brought to my attention by the former. And through His Word, I believe God answered my question.

In Hebrews chapter 12, starting about verse 5, the author talks all about how God disciplines His children and that, in fact, those He does not discipline are his illegitimate children (some versions actually use 'bastard'). The Message softens it to educate, while the KJV uses scourge! Proverbs 13:24 tells us that not correcting our child's behavior is not showing love to our child but is the opposite. I like the NET translation: "The one who spares his rods hates his child, but the one who loves his child is diligent in disciplining him." Let's face it. I have been inconsistent in training my children. No wonder in a moment of passion I could say, "I hate that little bastard". I have been treating Him like that!!

Now in case this was unclear in anyway. I love my children. I adore them. I would die to protect them. However, in my selfishness, I have not been treating them the way a loving mother should. I hope if I yelled, "Freeze!" to protect my child from danger (whether it be an oncoming car or an approaching coyote) that my children will stop in their tracks. At this point, I have not trained very well. =/ What if there is not time to say "Freeze!!! Please Freeze! (Insert Child's Full Name Here), look at me.... In the eyes... Please... stop... moving. NOW!"

Anywhooooooo. So we are working on a couple things starting this week at 3RAcademy. The kids focus is first time obedience. The coolest thing about first time obedience, is that as a parent...you don't even have a chance to get mad. Consequences on the first offense. No time for the mounting annoyance of a child who repeatedly refuses to obey. Mommy's focus is on proper use of her tongue.

Proverbs 29:11 KJV
A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.

Proverbs 31:26 KJV
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

Proverbs 21:23 KJV
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.

Winter Summit Epiphanies

I have been home educating my 3 kiddos for just over a year. Mothering is without question the hardest thing I have ever done... and I guess I would call home educating a mothering marathon. Last year at the Winter Summit I heard that God probably didn't call me to home educate in order to work on my kids...but to refine me... to bring me to the "End of Myself". I don't think I really got that at the time. But just a couple weeks ago I was pretty sure I was there. I was certainly at the end of my rope. I was crying out to Jesus. Really wailing. And flooded by hopeless and destructive thoughts. I was filled with panic, doubt and despair.

A faint ray of hope was on the horizon: The Homeschool Mom Winter Summit. And I wasn't holding anything back. I tearfully shared my parenting debacles with other mothers; desperate I was for advice.

I had my parenting epiphany late Saturday evening at home (thanks in part to a sweet lady who stopped to encourage me right before I left the summit). I realized that I have been undermining my kids security. My middle child has been thinking his Mom can't handle him... and he has been checking and checking and checking and proving it to himself repeatedly that mom can't handle because he is so bad. =( Sunday morning I told everyone at breakfast... that I have very good news...God has given me a gem of wisdom that this weekend and that is that he has fully equipped me to handle my kids and that I know what to do with them. And that is confidently LOVE them in a way that makes them feel secure, which includes, at time, loving correction.

God had seemed so far away before the summit and so silent as I was barraged with fear and doubt, despair and destructive thoughts. A prayer room was provided at the Summit, fully equipped with prayer warriors to come along side. I had peaked in a few times but all the PWs were occupied with other Moms. In the chapel I suddenly realized it was nearly over and I hadn't gotten what I needed most. I ran out of the meeting in hopes of finding a Titus 2 Woman to pray for me. Evenutally I found this sweet lady (or rather she found me) I let it all out. I shared, I sobbed, I shouted. This lovely lady shared with me and prayed powerfully. And since then, I have felt His hope rising in me.

Here is my next epiphany. I realized that although I was crying out in desperation to Jesus, I did not have my eyes on Him at all! Focusing only on my weakness and helplessness and not on His strength and provision, I was blatantly refusing to put my hope in Him. I am so glad to be unstuck from that place. That place was not a place of LESS (my word for this year) of me and more of Him, but a place of complete and utter Self Absorption! Dying to self is the ultimate in LESS, right? Only I don’t believe that dying to self is a slow painful death — that painful part? — I was desperately clinging to self and I didn’t even realize it! And when I let go of that and focused on the Holy One and His plans to finish the good work he started in me, I had my first big taste of freedom in Christ.