Profane Outbursts - And Another Epiphany

Well, so far, since my Winter Summmit Parenting Epiphanies... I only had one really bad day.... that was last Friday. That morning my middle child was refusing to cooperate or obey any simple request) Honestly, I cannot remember all the details due to the haze of emotions (not so much seeing red, as YELLOW). I am sure that he saw his Mama step back into the headlights, although I did not verbalize this. Finally, remember begging "Mama needs a TIME OUT! Mama needs a TIME OUT! I drug him out of my room bodily (by his feet? I think) and closed and locked my door.

He stayed right outside the door (so I know he was safe). I know this because and repeatedly kicked it, indefinitely. I called my husband on the phone and spoke allowed hateful words that I don't think I have ever verbalized about the fruit of my womb before (and hope never again). "I hate that little Bastard!" I wept.

For some reason I have been overly transparent lately... without for really thinking about who I am talking to, or worse, in front of. So, following this trend I loudly confessed this a few hours after it happened while the wound was still fresh, to two dear ladies at Home School PE (one with a precious baby girl on her lap). All this while my four year old was wrapped around my ankle (though thankfully I am quite sure he was oblivious--not that I checked before spilling my guts). And, of course I quoted myself QUITE audibly.

First off, I have to report that I got my period the next day and have been punished by the worst cramps in recent years. I also have not been able to get the looks of my friends sweet faces out of my mind. The Shock and the Horror. I believe it was mostly due to the fact that I just used filthy language at Home School PE (I mean, I am still horrified). But it may be that I used filthy language at all. Or that I could have said such a heinous thing at all about my own precious offspring, let alone repeated it. So anyway, I have been feeling bad about it. And thinking on it quite a bit. I am so thankful more little ears were not in range! I am regretting the "spillage" both the first (to my husband) and the second (the inappropriately timed confession), but wondering mostly, "Where on earth did that come from in the first place, I mean after all... he is my deeply loved child... and I am married to his father!?"

I have been reading a lovely (and some might say strange, though not I) combination of To Train Up a Child, Grace Based Parenting, Love and Logic and Scream-Free Parenting. All of which, I believe, are full of gems of Biblical wisdom (whether or not they quote scriptures). In recent days a lot verses about discipline have been brought to my attention by the former. And through His Word, I believe God answered my question.

In Hebrews chapter 12, starting about verse 5, the author talks all about how God disciplines His children and that, in fact, those He does not discipline are his illegitimate children (some versions actually use 'bastard'). The Message softens it to educate, while the KJV uses scourge! Proverbs 13:24 tells us that not correcting our child's behavior is not showing love to our child but is the opposite. I like the NET translation: "The one who spares his rods hates his child, but the one who loves his child is diligent in disciplining him." Let's face it. I have been inconsistent in training my children. No wonder in a moment of passion I could say, "I hate that little bastard". I have been treating Him like that!!

Now in case this was unclear in anyway. I love my children. I adore them. I would die to protect them. However, in my selfishness, I have not been treating them the way a loving mother should. I hope if I yelled, "Freeze!" to protect my child from danger (whether it be an oncoming car or an approaching coyote) that my children will stop in their tracks. At this point, I have not trained very well. =/ What if there is not time to say "Freeze!!! Please Freeze! (Insert Child's Full Name Here), look at me.... In the eyes... Please... stop... moving. NOW!"

Anywhooooooo. So we are working on a couple things starting this week at 3RAcademy. The kids focus is first time obedience. The coolest thing about first time obedience, is that as a parent...you don't even have a chance to get mad. Consequences on the first offense. No time for the mounting annoyance of a child who repeatedly refuses to obey. Mommy's focus is on proper use of her tongue.

Proverbs 29:11 KJV
A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.

Proverbs 31:26 KJV
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

Proverbs 21:23 KJV
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.